deadpan. detached. dispassionate. impassive. matter-of-fact.

Those are the words thesaurus.com states as synonyms for feeling numb. While I’d like a word that sums it all up, I suppose a handful of words will have to do. I don’t consider myself apathetic but I’ve become repulsed to people and their morbid complains of how unwell they are, how their shoulder hurts, or how they don’t feel hungry.

Jerry was certain he’d erupt into sobs and tears any second. He sat behind the hospital counter trying to repress the urge to scream and cry. The hollow feeling in his chest had arisen a few minutes earlier and it made him want to cry. There was a bell ringing in one corner and another doctor hurling orders at the nursing staff at the other. Sandwiched between them, he sat motionless and unconcerned. Ever since his medical college days, he’d mastered the art of faking it till he made it. He was good at repressing his outrageous bursts of emotions when he was overwhelmed. His family would’ve disagreed because he didn’t spare a chance to let them know how insufferable he thought his life was. But here, at his workplace, he did his best to smile and just get through the day. He sighed and tried to refocus himself.

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