Selfish

The quote that said all of our motives are selfish has stayed with me. We choose friends who we hope will serve us in some manner, whether in exchange for fun, loyalty or money, our decisions about the people we choose are for our own benefit.

We choose lovers after we assess how they make us feel. We outweigh their pros against their cons and decided to continue staying with them. We tell ourselves we sacrifice a lot but it’s usually because there is a benefit in it for us that we don’t want to let go of.

A friend of mine has abandonment issues. So if she finds a male friend she trusts or likes, she begins to hold onto him. Even if he leaves, she reminds him he can’t leave her half way and that isn’t how relationships work. The sentiment may be real but she needs him to stay so she’s not reminded of how often she’s been abandoned. Is that not selfish? To hold someone against their will, to emotionally manipulate them into staying?

If I ever find a man I’d like or love, I’m saddened to think that we’d both stay with each other just to not be alone. That seems like a horrible reason to be with someone. Just so you’re not alone. These past few days as my struggles or the weight of the world on my shoulders has increased, I find myself hoping I had someone to come home to, or a best friend or companion whose shoulders I could rest my head on, or whom I’d text about my day and he’d tell me it’s going to be all right and that I’d power through; alas, it isn’t so and it truly does suck sometimes. In the bleakest of moments I hope someone had chosen me. I suppose love or any form of friendship will always be rooted in selfishness.